


Cosmic Love

by Deathwish_Nine



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking, Force-Sensitive Reader, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Light Angst, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Seduction to the Dark Side, Smut, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-10 14:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7848217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deathwish_Nine/pseuds/Deathwish_Nine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Consumed by rage you'll do anything to get the man that killed your grandfather, no matter the cost. Even if that meant falling victim to the Dark Side of the Force. </p><p>And you couldn't ask for a better companion on your journey for vengeance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Nightmare

A nightmare... 

A horrible dream, that's all this was. 

You were _not_ dressed in the most elegant mourning attire that had been hanging in your closest earlier this morning. A long silk black dress that billowed in the wind behind and a long silver pendant hung from your neck you as you stood still like brick of ice. You were _not_ standing in the thick forest on the frozen planet of Starkiller Base. 

There were _no_ high ranking First Order officers surrounding you, paying their respects to your deceased grandfather. And above all your grandfather was _not_ dead.

_This was a lie._

You remembered it clearly, when General Hux had greeted you two days prior with horrid news; that _too_ was also a lie. 

The more rational side of you knew _he_ was gone, there was no bringing him back.

Your lips quivered as you struggled to hold back the torrent of emotions that threatened to break forth. The General had always said that emotion was a weakness and to not let anyone see the most vulnerable sides of yourself. His words still rang in your head. 

_The world is a wicked place and it'll take advantage of your weakness... Turn that into strength._

He was right, you needed to be strong. You clenched your fist tight as an intense hatred overwhelmed your being. The sorrow had drifted from your gaze masked by the blind rage that consumed you. 

Then there was a sudden shift, almost unpleasant in the aura around you; a disturbance in the Force. Although subtle you were sure that the Master of the Knights of Ren had felt it. You kept you gaze glued to the closed coffin before you. You could feel Kylo Ren's gaze burn into you through the empty darkness of his masked gaze. General Hux's ice blue eyes watched you with interest as you tore the necklace from your neck. 

It was a long silver pendant, plain and simple. A token from your grandfather for advancing in the arts of the Force. It wasn't a drastic step forward but he still offered his support at every moment he could get. 

And gently you placed the amulet on the coffin and rated your hand there for a short time. You briefly shut your eyes, offered your old man a few departing words in your mind and then left. 

Kylo Ren followed after you as you still held your fists clenched at your sides. Your eyes burned from the tears that began to slip down your cheeks. He remained silent; a towering darkness as his boots landed loudly against the ground.

No matter how passionate your anger was, you still felt the ache of losing a loved one within your beating heart. No one seemed to mind the tears that cascaded down your face. The death of a family member seemed to be the only time for emotional weakness.

Ren drifted away from you and headed down a different hall. You marched towards your quarters with a hard set face as you brushed the stray tears from your eyes with the sleeves of your dress. 

A set of giggles stopped you in your tracks and you glanced at the two women, who hadn't noticed you. 

"What do you think he looks like under that mask?" One asked. 

"He's probably an ugly old man with a scared face." The other responded.

They continued to laugh and gossip about the man from the way he dressed to his temper tantrums. The Jedi Killers anger alone and the formidable Lightsaber he carried on his belt was enough to deter you from ever bad mouthing him and you wondered why these two fools thought it was a splendid idea to do so. They would both be dead had it been him who had caught them. 

Kylo Ren... 

Your mind drifted towards the dark warrior and a scoff passed your lips. Above all you were annoyed. He was a friend to you, kind of... Ren had always been there by your side; a silent observer whenever you needed a companion. 

And his face, it wasn't clear in your mind. You hadn't seen his soft boyish features in years. Though you were sure he was a handsome man now. He had taken up the visage of Kylo Ren in place of Ben Solo when he arrived, and ever since you hadn't seen his face. Nearly six years to be exact.

His name was forbidden to be spoken by the Supreme Leader. Frankly, you liked your head attached to your shoulders. Speaking Kylo Ren's true name would never be a problem for you. Not then and certainly not now. You just wished you could see what he looked like for yourself once again.

"What are you doing?!" Anger was evident in your voice as you returned your attention to the two women. 

The two women stood to attention as a meek gasp escaped one of them. The remained silent and avoided your gaze. 

"Since you have no words to explain yourselves, stop chitchat ting and head back to work." You ordered. 

A 'yes ma'am' escaped them both before they scurried off. 

You headed back in the direction of your destination and you slipped inside the room. The sliding metal door closed behind you, locking in place as you moved to lay down on your bed. 

The soft, fluffy comforters pulled your body further into relaxation. You clenched your fists around the fabric as a sob passed your lips. 

You would never see his face again. Your strong willed grandfather, a great General of the First Order, a soft and kind man - to the people most important to him, was killed by the Resistance. Now you were alone. You had no family and you ached to fill the void left in your heart. 

You had no one. All that was left was the First Order, the generals and commanders that you had grown used to with the passage of time. They were your _family_ now.

You couldn't think anymore and your mind ceased to function, exhausted from the trials of the day, your body followed in suit.

You just hoped that when you'd wake the next day that this nightmare would be over.


	2. The Hunt Begins

Days had passed - minutes, hours, you hadn't counted them, but you were sure at least a week had gone by. You had secluded yourself, bordered yourself up in your quarters and only taking the food that had arrived thanks to the servants. Had it not been for General Hux, who had urged for your food to be delivered, you probably wouldn't have eaten; it had slipped your mind. The ache in your chest was far too enormous. 

Everything was taken care of for you, there was no need for you to leave. Your room had its own bathroom, there were countless of books to entertain yourself with and nothing but time. You denied yourself social interaction even from high ranking officials - like Captain Phasma and General Hux - and it was beginning to take effect. Your mood had dwindled - the need to see the outside world was vanishing along with it. 

You laid in bed, eyes glued to the ceiling, thoughts bungled and askew. 

The Order was your home. It had always been the way. They were your family, yet you had never experienced such loneliness until now. That single thought had pulled at your heart strings, tearing down your walls and exposing your vulnerabilities. Even if they were your _family_ , they could never replace what had been taken from you. A lone tear slipped down your cheeks and the metal hiss of the door opening caused a sigh to pass your lips. 

There was only one person aboard the Finalizer who would override the security lock on your door. Not only was it extremely rude but an invasion of privacy. What would he have done had you been changing clothes? 

Kylo Ren thought nothing of others. 

"Are you going to stay like this for the rest of your existence?" It was a rhetorical question, but you couldn't help the eye roll as you turned over to face him. 

"I haven't seen you in a while," You muttered, twirling a strand of hair between your fingers. "Killing more Jedi?"

You didn't want to talk to him - possibly your only friend. Matter of fact, you didn't want to talk to anyone. Maybe that's why you had been so rude to him with the snide remarks. He didn't like them, you could tell by his rigid posture and the way his hands had tightened at his side. 

Kylo Ren was quick to anger and ruthless when it came to delivering punishment as he saw fit. You had heard from a _bird_ that he was fond of you. Hence, the reason why you hadn't become victim to the angry red Lightsaber at his hip. That seemed like a load of crap. Kylo Ren was Snoke's apprentice, he couldn't be fond of you. The Supreme Leader would have your head then, the last thing that man needed was for his protege to have a weakness. 

"Doing nothing will not bring your grandfather back." 

Your cold, unforgiving gaze snapped to him - pulled from your thoughts to stare at the dark warrior. Your jaw tightened and your fists clenched as you sat up against the soft silken blue sheets of your bed. He tilted his head almost curiously and he said: "Embrace your anger, your sadness and put it to good use. _Are you going to let the Resistance get away with what they did?_ They ripped your world apart. Are you going to sit by and do nothing, (Name)?" 

The sadness, the never ending pain that you had experienced diminished as a darkness crept into your heart - swallowing the light. An uncontrollable hatred burned with intense ferocity within you - guiding you, urging you to act, to take the life that had taken yours, to tear down anyone that got in your way without mercy. 

"I want them dead - all of them, but first I want the man that did this." You replied.

You couldn't see it but you had a feeling that the man was smiling behind his mask at your words. Your thoughts wandered to the man before you. When was the last time you had seen his face? It had been years, far too long. You wondered what he would look like now and if he'd show you. Your mood lightened, thoughts of vengeance forgotten, a glint of curiosity sparked to life in your eyes. 

"Will you show me - what you look like? I haven't seen your face in years Kylo. We are friends after all, right?" 

You were trying to be persuasive and he was fond of you, according to the rumors. He rose to his feet, your hope diminished, and he walked towards the door. 

"I have no time for _friends_." He said just before he vanished. 

A sigh passed your lips. Well, at least you had tried. There was no point in staying in your room with a strengthened resolve you had left. You would find the information that you needed. Your vengeance was waiting and your wouldn't hold back. You would take from them as they had taken from you. Your punishment would be swift, justified by the grievances you have experienced. You marched down the hall, turned the corner and bumped into an officer - General to be exact. An apology escaped your lips as General Hux stared down at you. Despite his cold gaze, there was a gentleness in his bright blue eyes. 

A surprised gasp escaped your lips at the sight of a tabby cat cradled in his arms. A smile pulled at your lips, genuine happiness filled your gaze and you asked the General if you could hold his precious pet. He handed Millicent and you had learned her name to be from the red haired man. 

"General, I was wondering if I could speak to you," You said and you turned to face him, a serious expression lined your features as you pet the fluffy cat in your arms. "In private of course." 

"Right this way." He said as he moved down the hall. You followed a few paces behind him and came to a stop in an isolated area aboard the ship. He turned to you and you returned the cat to him as you folded your arms, eyes darkening. 

"I want a full mission report on what happened to my grandfather -"

"(Name), that's something -" He tried to stop you from continuing and the cold glare you leveled the man with effortlessly silenced him.

"Every single detail, Hux. I also want files on the Resistance members that were present during the ambush." 

Hux pressed his lips firmly together and his icy blue eyes held your own determined ones. You weren't backing out of this. No doubt rules were being broken here and there by what you were asking the General, but you didn't care. _No one_ would stop you. Kylo Ren had awakened your anger, fueled your passion with his insistent questioning and you were sure if you need his iron fist to get what you wanted, he would no doubt oblige with eagerness. 

"Only because you're asking," He nearly hissed his words. "You're more than welcome to visit Millicent in my quarters. She seems to like you." Hux stated the last bit with a lighter tone, mood bettering and a small smile touched your lips. 

"I'll be sure to stop by then." You said and the General turned to leave. "Armitage," He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes searching your own. "I'm sorry for placing you in such a position, but... thank you." He gave a simple nod of his head and the corner of his lips pulled, a barely visible smile as he headed down the hall back to the command deck.

You returned to your room and surprised look took over your features. A tiny black kitten with a crimson bow tied around its neck was nestled comfortably within the silken sheets of your bed. You approached the tiny thing and stared in wonder. When and how did it get into your room? 

Then it dawned on you and a smile took hold of your lips. You sat on the bed and brought the still sleeping kitten to rest in your lap. There was only one person who would enter your room, who disliked the General so openly and cared little for the opinion of others.

Kylo Ren wasn't as heartless and cold as everyone had thought and his jealousy towards the General was laughable. Maybe he did want a friend after all.


	3. Take What You Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such the long wait, I hope it was worth it. And I have to apologize again for the horrendous amount of typos that you guys will find. I typed this entire chapter on my phone without being able to proof read much of it. Anyways, enjoy!

Patience was not your strongest suit. You waited awhile - paced the room to and fro, read a book on the history of the Order, and even took a nap. 

General Armitage Hux was taking his time in gathering the information you had requested. You had even cuddled Felix - the black kitten you had received from Ren - until the poor thing released a cry of frustration and with a resigned sigh you had released him. Even Kylo wasn't around. He had left on a mission with the other Knights of Ren. 

You didn't know the details but it sounded important. He was gone before you could even wish him luck, though you doubted he'd want any of that.

The matter of the fact was you didn't want to be alone. The isolation, the fear and the pain ate away at your heart. It was driving you mad. You didn't want to think about your lack of true family. You wanted it all to disappear for just a moment. 

Vengeance was a way of coping with the situation. It wouldn't make anything better but it'd keep you preoccupied from your wild emotions. 

With Kylo Ren off on a mission you were left to yourself with no company other than Felix. Bored and unsure of what to do with yourself you headed off in search of entertainment.

Gossip. It was the first thing that had met you ears once you stepped onto the main deck of the ship - from who was sleeping with who to even the dark warrior himself. The Kylo Ren gossip was old news, they were always talking about him, though this was the first time you had heard your name paired with his. 

Their thoughts fiddled around in your brain - annoying, but you'd have to admit you were curious... If only a little. 

_They must be together..._

_Imagine she's seen his face!_

_I also hear she's sweet talking General Hux. Who would have known the late General's granddaughter would turn out to be a whore._

Something in you snapped and an unfortunate soul had been dragged into your mess. A storm trooper had fallen - more like he was pulled to the ground. His body slammed into the metal floor and he remained still. 

The spell had been broken and you moved to the trooper's side. A frown pulled at your lips as your hands removed the helmet over his head and pressed two fingers to the dark skin of his neck. At least he was still breathing. A relieved sigh passed your lips. 

A Storm Trooper rounded the corner and approached hurriedly. You explained the situation - he must have fallen unconscious while on duty. He assured you that FN-2187 would be fine and carried off the soldier to the infirmary. 

"Quiet the display of theatrics." You turned to find General Hux leaned against one of the walls. 

He was no doubt hiding in the shadows, watching you. He stepped forward a smile on his lips. 

"You should probably advice Captain Phasma to treat your soldiers with more care. They can be quiet... delicate." You said with a small upturn of your lips. 

You walked side by side down the hall towards one of the many observation decks abroad the Finalizer. The voices chatted again more wild and frenzied then before. In an instant it was quiet and the only thoughts you could hear were your own. 

"Your anger might come very close to that of Kylo Ren's." Hux stated with a glint of amusement in his eyes as you both came to a stop before a large glass window. 

A small laugh passed your lips at his words and your eyes focused on the stars in the distance laid out before you. 

"No one's anger compares to that of Kylo Ren's." You exclaimed as you rested your hand on the wall. "Though I have to admit underneath all that anger I think he's a softie." 

"Are you fond of him?" His words weren't as playful as before - the seriousness, the jealousy seeped through and his lips were pressed tight together when you glanced over at him. 

"He's probably the only friend I have Hux. If you could even call him that." You muttered the last bit to yourself. 

His hand came to rest on your own, grasping it - firm and comforting - and he said: "I can be your friend too." 

His words implied that he wanted to be something more than friends and all you could do was offer him an innocent smile. You had never viewed the General in any romantic sort of capacity and to think he was interested in you, you were a little surprised. 

A slight sense of shame fell upon you as Kylo Ren filled your thoughts instead. It made you feel bad for the General standing before you. You played off of Hux's words. You could be friends with him but you didn't see anything beyond that. 

"(Name)."

You pulled your hand from Hux's and turned to face the dark warrior before you. You could feel his gaze on your hands as you held them together, graceful and elegant, before you. 

His thoughts rattled around - carried by the strength of the Force, a garbled mess, incoherent and angry - then it was gone. 

Your hands tightened as you held them, a small smile on your lips as you tried to hide the wave of emotions that fell upon your shoulders. You were anxious above the fear and guilt. 

"Your training begins now." He said and he turned. 

His swift and powerful strides carried him down the hall fast. You had forgotten to bid Armitage goodbye before you followed after the fuming man. 

"Kylo," you followed him into a large room and the doors sealed shut behind you. 

"General Hux will not further your goal in attaining what you want, (Name)." He turned to you, voice firm and resolute. You opened your mouth to offer him a quick comeback and the words never made it passed your lips.

A hissing noise sounded and for a moment you wondered where it came from until Kylo Ren's hands reached for the mask on his face. He placed the mask down on the ground, hard as his dark eyes held yours. 

You stood there like a fish out of water with your mouth open and wide-eyed. A smirk pulled at his lips and you regained composer, shutting your mouth and crossing your arms beneath your chest. 

He didn't have the boyish features you had remembered. He was a grown man now and a handsome one at that - definitely a face you could get used to. 

A scoff passed your lips. "You're right about that, I take what I want. It's either you steal from others or you're stolen from... And right now, punishment is in order." You informed as you stepped closer to Ren. 

"What is it that you want right now?" 

"Right now?" It didn't take you long to figure it out. The dirty place your mind had wandered off to was exhilarating to say the least - stuck between the floor and Kylo Ren with his lips on your neck and his hands beneath your dress. 

Ren's smirk widened slightly and his eyes filled with amusement as he held his hands clasped behind his back. 

A flush touched your cheeks at the realization that he had seen what you had thought and you pressed your lips firmly together, embarrassed beyond words. 

He was stronger than you with the Force that was for sure. You had blocked him out of your thoughts, you were always careful around him and yet he reached in and pulled out what he wanted. 

"Are you going to take what you want then?" His voice was teasing and your cheeks burned hotter. 

You couldn't voice your thoughts in fear that your words would be beyond coherent as your glanced around the room.

"No one will interrupt us here. This is my training room." He stated. 

He must have seen the flicker of doubt that had filled your eyes a moment ago. The redness in your cheeks softened and you stepped closer to him. 

"Seriously, let's just do what we came here for!" 

You had chickened out, the confidence draining from your system and he smirked. 

"Not only do you need to be trained with the Force but in other aspects as well." He said and his hand lifted your arm. "How are you going to defend yourself with such tiny arms." 

You pulled away from him with a faint glare, arm moving to strike at it him. His much larger hand caught your tiny fist and an amused glint filled his gaze. Your eyes held his and had you been paying attention you would have notice his boot and moved to step onto the hem of your long flowing dress. 

Your feet had slipped out from under you. You were falling. 

His other hand had reached out and pushed you firmly causing you to fall back. Your hands had reached for his shoulders out of instinct and he willingly followed you to the ground. 

You laid beneath him pinned to the ground, trapped beneath his body and limbs. His eyes held yours, dark and unreadable. 

His gloved hand brushed against your waist, fingers playing with the loose fabric. "Inconvenient is what this is." He muttered. 

Apart of your wondered if he was really referring to your dress or if it had a double meaning. The former seemed more likely. Kylo Ren didn't seem like the type to get distracted by a women's feminine wiles.

"The difference between you and I, (Name)," his gloved hand gripped your waist firmly and pulled your body flush against his own. "I take what I want." 

And his lips had met yours, hungry. After your initial shock had worn off, your lips molded to his own with the same intensity. 

A heat had burned to life in your stomach and your body ached to be touched further, in more areas than others. 

You struggled to breath between kisses as your hands had pulled at the soft waves of his onyx hair. A low growl mixed with pleasurable sounds of a moan had escaped him and he pressed his body into you. 

You could feel the prominent bulge restricted by his pants pressed against your own heat and a soft moan passed your own lips. And his hands, rough and firm gripped at the smooth flesh of your thighs beneath your dress. You hadn't realized when he has taken off his gloves but you would never forget that moment when he pulled away from your lips and his fingers had moved your panties to the side and his shaft had slid into you.

A gasp mixed with that of a pleasurable sigh escaped you. He groaned in pleasure and his heated eyes never left yours as he slowly rocked his hips into you, hands firm holding your waist. You were finally connected. 

He was a lot larger than you expected him to be and the pleasure of him filling you had nearly brought you over the edge. You bit your lower lip and the lewd sounds that filled that room had your mind and body reeling. 

You rocked your body into him, meeting him thrust for thrust. It didn't bother you that you were both fully clothed the satisfaction of him being in you was enough. One of his hands had moved to the crevasse between your neck and shoulder, no doubt trying to pull your body down further onto his own.

"Don't ask Hux for anything." He all but growled the words out. 

A smile had found your lips. A little teasing wouldn't hurt. 

"Are you jealous?" 

Apart of you was grateful for asking and the other was a little more afraid. An invisible force tightened around your throat, it wasn't life threatening but it did make breathing slightly more difficult. The pressure wasn't coming from the hand at your throat. 

The mere realization of him using the Force while he fucked you made you come.

A moan passed your lips and your body has tightened around him. He continued to pound into you, eyes filled with nothing but and insatiable lust. Sweat lined his brow and the heat pooled in your stomach again as the pressure tightened against your neck. 

His thrusts became more sloppy, hurried. He was close, very close and you were rocking your hips into him again, urging him to come for you. 

Release had overcome you both at the same moment, the pressure against your throat ceased as the warmth of his seed filled you. 

He rose to his feet, breath heavy and helped you to stand up. It took you a moment to regain your balance as you too breathed in and out deeply. 

"I told you I take what I want." He said.


	4. Sweet Encounter

Ever since your _training_ session with Kylo Ren the bond you shared became stronger. His thoughts flowed more easily leaving you with coherent words and visuals that he fired your way. You on the other hand were probably an open book to him. 

You dressed for the day in a comfortable dress, easy to move in yet elegant all the same. The burgundy colored fabric hugged your chest and waist loosely before flowing out, ghosting across the floor in waves. A mantle, secure around your shoulders flowed down the planes of your back, free, to meet with the rest of the fabric by your feet. 

This was your favorite dress by far, more so than any of the others. A smile touched your lips as you ran your hands along the fabric and your mind drifted. 

You could feel Kylo Ren's hands on you - the sensation and feeling of euphoria that had enveloped you the night before returned and a hum passed your lips. 

You couldn't dwell on sweet passions of the past, you had important business to attend to - your vengeance wouldn't happen all on its own. 

You moved to leave, the doors slid open and you stopped. 

"Oh Mitaka." You stated in alarm.

You hadn't expected him to be there, standing at attention before your door, tight lipped and a nervous sweat on his brow. 

You didn't need to look at _him_ to feel his presence. Kylo Ren stood not too far away his eyes trained on you from behind the shadow of his mask. 

Lieutenant Mitaka flipped out a folder from beneath his arm and held it out to you. "From the General." He said. 

You took the folder from his grasp and walked further back into your room. Mitaka took the opportunity to leave when Kylo Ren moved to follow after you. The door slid shut behind him and he moved to stand behind you. 

"Your training begins in an hour. Don't be late." He said. 

You barely registered his words, your eyes were glued to the files in your hands. It was a hefty thing and would no doubt take a couple of hours to get through. 

"(Name)." 

"I heard you," you muttered and you turned your gaze to him. "I'll be there... After breakfast." You said, shutting the folder and heading out of the room without so much as a second glance his way. 

Needless to say you had completely forgotten about training with Kylo Ren and ventured into the cafeteria later than usual to eat breakfast. You had gotten a health balanced breakfast consisting of some eggs, meat and a fruit accompanied by a cup of coffee. You were only able to have a single bite before you heard an unfortunate soul squeal in fear and swirl around, moving from _his_ path. Kylo Ren marched into the room anger evident in his heavy footsteps.

He was towering over you - anger evident despite the mask covering his face. "You're late for training any reasons as to why?" He asked.

The cafeteria remained still, silent when the Jedi Killer had asked you what you were doing. 

You hesitated and almost comically the food on your fork slipped off and landed back on your plate. And with a wave of his hand, the cup of coffee and your plate of delicious food flew down the length of the table and into the trash. 

You slammed your hands down onto the table and you rose from your seat, face red in anger. 

"Move, now." He commanded before you could speak as he leaned closer to you, daring you to say something. With angered huff you marched out of the room. 

You had returned to your room to change, once you found the appropriate attire needed thanks to Phasma, and then headed to the training room. 

Training had been uneventful, little progress had been made and Ren must have enjoyed his time tossing you to and fro like a rag doll. His own little revenge for making him wait. You remembered the amount of times your body slammed down into the ground and you'd stand up to repeat the process. Bearing the pain as he yelled at you to push yourself harder and faster.

Your outfit, a set of work out clothes you had borrowed from Captain Phasma, were pretty much ruined. Rips and dirt smudges you sure wouldn't come out had left the set of dark clothes in tatters. Kylo Ren hadn't been easy on you and you wondered what his own training with the Supreme Leader was like. 

You were in the process of removing your clothes to slip into the shower when your hands stopped moving, gripped tight against the hem of your shirt. 

It had hit you hard and unexpected. His thoughts rushed at you - a flood gate bursting open. 

The image of you on your knees before him, his hand in your hair gently massaging your scalp as you pleasured him. Your lips, tight around his massive cock and you continued to take more and more of him in. A pleasured groan escaped him and he held tighter to you. 

A huff passed your lips and your cheeks flushed as the image faded before returning again and you released the grip on your shirt. Your eyes landed on the folder that sat on your bed. And with a new found confidence you snatched it up and darted out of your room. 

The heat deep within you urged you forward, your mind focused on nothing more than releasing the pressure that had been built within your body.

Your thoughts too had ventured down a dirty path, filled with nothing but lewd interactions between you and the raven haired man. A familiar voice had called your name and had you not been so wrapped up in your own mind and Kylo Ren's you would have noticed General Hux and lieutenant Mitaka. 

You continued past them without a care in the world in the direction of the dark warrior's room. 

When you found Kylo Ren's personal quarters you weren't surprised to find the door unlocked and his clothes thrown about in a hurried mess. The shower was on in the bathroom and the soft sighs that echoed furthered yourself. Your hand reached out to a panel beside the door and with a single push a beep sounded, sealing it shut. 

There was no doubt in your mind that he had already known you were close. His thoughts had grown in excitement and a smirk had touched your lips. You too began to undress, tossed the folder onto his bed and page after page slipped out adding to the mess of the room before you entered the bathroom. 

"I must say that was a very interesting way to get my attention." You said slipping off your undergarments. 

He was visible through the glass door and his huge cock stood at attention, one large hand wrapped around the base. 

"Not surprised you came." He responded smugly as he pumped his hand up and down along the shaft, grip firm and slow. 

You joined him in the shower and a smirk pulled at your lips. Water fell on you both from above, and soon enough your entire body was slicked wet and your eyes met his. The insatiable lust was clear in his eyes - pupils large and dilated from arousal. 

"That's my job isn't it?" You slowly sank to your knees before him. 

"Then get to it." His voice was filled with frustration now - the urge to release himself was driving him mad. The pleasure of actually touching you would be better than his imagination. And it was. 

Without much hesitation your lips had touched the head of his penis and your tongue, slick and wet ran along the underside. Your hand grasped his thick meat and Ren moved his hand to caress your hair almost lovingly. 

Your eyes held his as you took just the tip into your mouth. A relieved sigh mixed with a moan escaped him. His eyes - a magnet - never left your own. 

You honestly weren't sure if you could take the whole thing into your mouth but you'd sure as hell try. It was the first time you had actually seen his cock. And he was massive, you felt it inside of you before and you wondered at all how it had fit in the first place. Now was a whole different matter. 

Inch by inch he slowly disappeared into your wet cavern and Ren leaned back against the wall for the briefest of moments before his hold on you tightened. 

"Don't stop." He groaned. 

You offered him a glare as if to say that you weren't and your lips puckered around him. You sucked the portion of his cock in your mouth - a tight vacuum - while your hand pumped him slowly. Your free hand traveled down the planes of your abdomen and between your thighs. 

You entered two fingers between your lower lips and moaned around him as you pleasured yourself. His free hand moved to hold the other side of your head and he urged you forward further onto him. 

The pressure increased as he reached the back of your throat and you squinted, almost shutting your eyes completely, they began to water. There was only a couple of inches you hadn't taken and you were sure he was going to urge you to. 

"Come on just a little more." He muttered and his hold on you tightened. 

You relaxed your throat and hoped you wouldn't choke on him as you went further down. Your lips touched the end of him, with one hand on your clit and the other massaging his swollen loins, you began to suck at him again with more eagerness. 

A slew of moans escaped your throat and he in turn groaned in pleasure. His hips moved and his grip on you tightened. Kylo Ren's rough fingers tangled through your hair and your hands moved to press against his thighs. 

He pumped his hips slowly at first and with heavy breath he moved faster. This - he would admit to himself - was definitely better than the fantasies he had conjured within his mind. 

He released his hold on you and his hands moved to your arms. And with one last flick of your tongue around his shaft you removed your lips from him with a slight 'pop'. 

Ren pushed you against the wall and his lips latched onto your neck as his fingers delved into your folds. A pleasure filled sigh passed your lips as he slowly worked his fingers. You rocked your hips into his hand. His free hand had found your hip and his fingers dig into your flesh. 

He he was devouring you, inch by inch. His lips sucked and nibbled at your skin - an insatiable hunger that ravaged his mind and body to feed off of you. Nothing but pure carnal desire. 

"Kylo, we need to use protection." You informed as your arms wound around his broad shoulders. 

"Don't tell me what to do." He said in between kisses. His voice was still commanding, husky and filled with lust.

He peppered your skin with kisses from your neck until his lips barely touched your own. His finger had left your slit and the new found emptiness within you caused a frustrated sigh to pass your lips. 

"Go to the med-bay in the morning. We'll be doing this often, so plan accordingly." He said and his lips pressed against your. 

His arms, firm and muscled, lifted your legs beneath the knee and he pressed himself closer to you. Your legs wrapped around his waist and the head of his stiff cock pressed against your entrance. His hand rested against your hips and he pressed you further into the wall. 

A chill wracked your body from the anticipation of him filling you and your protest ceased the moment he pushed his member into you. Your walls stretched to his size, holding tight to him and a moan escaped you both. 

"The med-bay it is." You said against his lips. 

He smirked into the heated kiss and he moved his hips, setting a slow rhythmic pace. Your ran your nails down the expanse of his back and a pleasure filled hiss escaped him. 

Ren thrusted harder and you rolled your hips into him. The tension in your gut was building and both his hands tightened, hard enough to bruise your delicate skin. 

His hips moved faster, the rhythm lost as he pounded his cock into you over and over. His head moved to rest against your shoulder and your arms tightened around him. 

"Oh fuck," he muttered and the knot in your stomach came undone with his next words. "Cum for me" 

Your walls tightened around him and you rode out your orgasmic high as he pumped into you one last time. 

Kylo froze and a with groan of pure pleasure his hot seed spilled into you. He remained where he was, his cock softened within you and he pulled out. Your feet once again touched the ground and a smile touched your lips. 

"How about we take a real shower now?" You said with heavy breaths. 

He hummed in response, moved to stand behind you and reached for the shower gel bottle. If it hadn't had been for his mischievous antics you both would have been out of the shower in no time at all. He applied shampoo into your hair about three times before you noticed it was him causing the endless stream of suds. 

You stood in his room in nothing but a towel, expressionless. He laid in bed shirtless, a pair of sweat pants hung loose on his hips. His rock hard abs and the tight muscles of his chest were in clear view and his eyes held yours.

"What? No clothes. Go back to your room." He said nonchalantly and his eyes drifted to the open folder on his bed.

His eyes scanned through the pages and you remained silent, still and unamused. 

"I'll run into Hux. He patrols the halls at this time." You said.

Kylo Ren wasn't fond of the ginger and he had already displayed a sense of jealousy towards the man. And if it stopped you from running through the halls practically naked, you'd use his weakness against him.

A dramatic sigh escaped him and his eyes returned to you, dark and heavy with sleep and his response was almost instant. "There's clothes for you in the drawer." 

A light smile touched your lips and you moved to find something of his to wear. You slipped on a large dark grey shirt that reached down to your mid thighs. Satisfied with the choice you made you proceeded to clean up the mess of clothes about the room and dumped them into the laundry basket in the bathroom. 

Kylo's eyes were glued to the reports before him and you moved to join him on the bed. His eyes once again met yours and you patiently waited for him to open his mouth. 

"Who said you could come up here?" He asked. 

You leveled the raven haired man with a glare and crossed your arms beneath your chest. His eyes shifted down in interest - caught by the movements of your breasts as the gray fabric of his shirt outlined their shape - before they met your eyes again. 

"It's the least I should get, a little knight of Ren might make an appearance because of you." You said almost playfully.

The thought of being pregnant at all scared you. It was better to not think about it at all and it was the one reason you had agreed to go to the med-bay. You weren't ready to take care of another life - to guide and nurture another human being. A responsibility you couldn't handle nor take on at this moment in your life.

Vengeance was waiting for you.

A scoff passed his lips as an amused glint appeared in his tired eyes and his next words interrupted your thoughts: "I'm not the only one to blame, you started all of this." 

A defeated sigh escaped you and you remained silent. He was right after all. You were the one that had filthy thoughts to begin with. 

"Of course I'm right." He pointed out before he turned away arms wrapped beneath his pillow. 

You all but rolled your eyes. It would definitely take you a while getting used to having someone else in your thoughts - reading, taking notes of all your emotions and imaginations. Little by little you were becoming more and more connected to the dark warrior and your heart swelled with joy. 

Even if whatever you shared together was nothing more than casually hooking up it still brought a smile to your lips and fondness for the man within your heart.


	5. Flames of Terror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait! This chapter was actually sitting on my laptop for a while.... As are many others. I just never got around to posting them because I'm the laziest person on the planet. But anyways I hope you enjoy and I will be posting another chapter within the next week... hopefully...

Needless to say you had gone to the med-bay as promised and gotten yourself on some trusty little white pills to ensure you wouldn't end up with a nine month problem and an angry Knight of Ren. Ever since you had spent the night in Kylo's personal quarters everyone has been treating you differently. 

They shut their mouths when you walked by and pretended as if you weren't there and if you paid close attention, some of them even trembled in fear. It must have to do with just merely being associated with Kylo. 

You weren't just friends anymore. You were more... friends with benefits. It was all pure carnal desire, for the most part at least. You were just using each other to feel good. 

He was far from affectionate and if anything his attitude towards you had gone south since. You couldn't complain though, the sex was good. Unbelievable to be honest. No one had made you feel the way he had and each time was better than the last. 

He had even pushed you into a supply closet once, hiked up your dress and taken you from behind. He was far from gentle, especially when something hadn't gone his way. 

Kylo Ren was seeking nothing more than to relive his own stresses with little regard for your own feelings. Thankfully though you had a good time regardless and just enjoyed each and every ride. 

He was currently off on a mission. One you didn't know much details about. Most First Order information was for military personnel only and you were a civilian on a battle ship. 

You wouldn't be surprised if someone said that the only reason you were allowed to remain was because you were screwing the Jedi Killer. You weren't much of a pessimist but as of late you felt vulnerable. 

You had spent most of your time in his room, locked away from the rest of the universe waiting for him to return. The folder Hux had given was laid out across the bed in a mess. And you had wrapped your body around a pillow, seated cross legged with your eyes glued to the tiny words. 

There was nothing substantial in any of the reports. A frown found your lips at the lack of information. There were no names, no details of any of the men and women involved in you grandfather's death. All that was listed was the fighter-types that had attacked his shuttle. 

You had tossed the folder clear across the room in frustration and anger. You had jumped to your feet and exited Ren's bedroom mind set on finding food, something delicious and comforting. Something to keep your mind focused on other things.

A permanent frown had found your lips. The crew aboard the Finalizer avoided your gaze in misplaced fear. It wasn't like you were going to lash out at them like Kylo. You were a walking temper tantrum by association. 

You hadn't been paying much attention to where you were going and you had walked right into someone, a solider and their full suit of armor. It was familiar and highly distinct from the others with its chrome color and red and black details. 

"Oh Phasma, I didn't see you there." You muttered. 

She remained silent with her hands on her blaster. Had she always walked like that? You weren't sure and frankly it didn't really matter. 

A huff escaped her and her head tilted slightly. Her eyes were on you, you could feel them. Sure you weren't wearing the most fashionable of things per usual but that didn't mean you looked like a slob. 

"I see you've been spending a lot of your time with Ren." She finally said. 

Your fingers touched the black cloak wrapped around you. You had taken it from his closet earlier in the day when you had gotten cold. He wouldn't mind... Well you hoped he wouldn't. It was warm. And it smelled like him - hot flames with the faintest touch of cinnamon. It was as if he himself was embracing you and a small smile touched your lips. 

You had unknowingly reached out to him through your connection in the Force. His response was subtle, barely there but he hadn't disregarded you in the least. He was a busy man after all - hunting who knows what in the universe. 

"You could say that. I'm not treated any differently if that amounts to anything." You had left out the tiny bit of your insecurities as you spoke with her. 

The Captain didn't need to know that you were worried about being no one important to him and that you felt the overwhelming need to belong within the Order.

"I'm quite surprised you haven't met with the Supreme Leader. You are a force user after all." Phasma pointed out with a matter of fact tone. "A little odd if you ask me..."

"Even then I'm afraid to meet him - see him. No one but Hux and Ren have been in his presence." 

"Good things come in threes." She said with a reassuring pat of your shoulder. She walked off and offered a simple wave of her hand as her goodbye. 

You returned to his room as a yawn filtered past your lips for some well needed shut eye.

You had felt his presence when he stepped aboard the freighter despite the heavy exhaustion that overtook your body. The land of dreams had taken you. You were curled beneath the blankets in his room and a peaceful expression had touched your features. You felt him beside you, the bed dipped under his added weight and his eyes searched the peaceful expression of your features. You felt his fingers brush through the strands of your hair, gentle and soft. 

You wish you had heard the words that had left his lips - his own insecurities and fears. You could have comforted him, but he had let you sleep. Then his touch vanished and a displeased look covered your features.

And within the confines of your own mind you had become your own enemy. You had woken with a start and you glanced around the room frantically. You rose to your feet as you searched for any sign of Ren. You were sure he had been there a moment ago. 

A crackle, the sound of Ren's lightsaber, ferocious and red illuminated, the dark room. You turned, pure fear evident in your wide eyes. He stood before you fully masked and cloaked by darkness. And he raised his cross guard saber high above his head, ready to strike. You stepped back quickly, hitting the metal wall of the room gasping for breath. Your heart hammered in your chest, hard like the beating of drums.

Terror was consuming you. The room shifted spiraling and a jolt went through your being. Your back was against a tree, rough and uncomfortable. Then you spotted her. A girl, about the same age as you, running from him. Her hands trembled around the blaster she held and her blue eyes held yours, desperate and ridden with fear as she tried to escape him. 

Your foot caught on a root causing you to trip and you landed on the cold white snow. The ground shook with violent ferocity and the sky was painted black over head. A blue light, vibrant and misplaced caught your eyes illuminating the woods. 

Then you saw him. He was wounded, blood painted the snow and he struggled to stand, his body failing him. A figure shrouded in darkness stood above him with a blue lightsaber in hand and a scream passed your lips.

Spiraling and spinning, your mind reeled you back to reality with violent force. You found yourself on the ground at the foot of the bed. And your eyes searched the room frantically as a single tear slipped down your cheek. 

Kylo Ren wasn't in the room and apart of you was thankful for that as you tried to calm your racing mind and rapid heart beat. It was all just a nightmare. A very vivid nightmare. None of theses things that you saw would happen. 

You kept repeating the comforting words to yourself and you hugged your knees close to you chest, hoping that none of them would come to pass.


End file.
